Since everything seems crazy as we move through this time of the corona virus, have you also noticed how verbally insane the English language is as it’s spoken here? Doesn’t it seem ironic that people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway; recite at a play and play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell?

The meaning of words is inconsistent. How can a slim chance and a fat chance mean the same thing while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another day? Why is it that when stars are out they’re visible, but when the light is out it’s invisible?

Verb tenses are illogical. If the teacher taught, why don’t we say the preacher praught? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue?

Pronunciation is challenging. “Ough” can be pronounced six different ways: ought, rough, dough, plough, through and thorough. Some words are spelled differently but pronounced the same way — like cell and sell, weigh and way, new and knew.

The use of vowels is confounding. “Rhythms” is the longest English word without containing the normal vowels: a, e, i, o, and u. These are the 5 official vowels, but just to add confusion, there are between 20 and 44 vowel sounds and they’re usually interspersed with consonants. “Queuing” is the only commonly used word that has five vowels in a row.

“Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order, Cool, huh?

New vocabulary is emerging to talk us through the corona pandemic:

STAY-AT-HOME ORDERS - Official directives stipulating we isolate in our homes.

SOCIAL DISTANCING - Space between people to limit the spread of contagious disease.

DROPLET SPREAD - The spray of moisture during coughing and sneezing that spreads infectious disease.

FOMITE - Surfaces that can transmit an infectious organism like door knobs, blankets, phones, or utensils.

SUPERSPREADERS - Individuals who transmit infectious disease to multiple others.

TELEMEDICINE - The use of videoconferencing and remote patient monitoring to provide real-time health care from afar.

People not computers invent our crazy language, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn’t really a race at all). The weird aspects of language seem to come out of nowhere — just as the corona virus did. No wonder language, like life, is crazy these days!

Sources: Health.usnews.com, Proedit.com, Crazy English by Richard Lederer.